Motivational Posters v3

No one ever believes you when you say: it's retarded. That's insensitive to the mentally handicapped, but I don't think I give a damn. I think that is why I have this blog: cause life is incredibly funny. Infuriating, but funny. You have to laugh at it sometimes. Anyway, arguing with with Jason Statham about the logic of the Crank movies is retarded.















-BLC

On the third day of Christmas

"Dark clouds hangin all around, I try to pick myself up but I keep fallin down" ~ Swollen Members.

Yes, I know that this is technically a day late, cause I just realized it after the day was basically over and didn't post till late, but it's still just as shitty.
Anyway, if you didn't know, December 21 was the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year and one that reflects pretty much all that sucks in the world. I also have a particular opposition to this day, because of something in the fucking heavens (apparently, Mercury being in retrograde is particularly shitty for me. Ugh). I wanted to do something cool for this day, but I couldn't find something that was just right. I opted for this promo from the Discovery Channel. It has the right message for a day with the most darkness. Also, they played it ad nauseum during the Mythbusters marathon this Thanksgiving, so, I have some positive associations with it. Listen to it and tell me you won't be saying "Boom de Yada" all day at work.

-BLC

The sounds of the Season

The top brass at Bottoms Up Entertainment once remarked "it took an embarrassing amount of time to create [this]". I don't know why I used the brackets cause it is just a paraphrase. Point is, I have had it in my head to throw down for a mix the last 12 days of Christmas. I figured I'd knock it out in about 20 minutes in between commercial breaks of Malibu's Most Wanted, which, confoundingly, holds a lot of sentimental value. This took up half my day and that is primarily because p2p sharers are no longer full of viruses, corrupt files, and morons. Even so, I still didn't get the entirety of the songs I wanted for you, but fuck you. Enjoy this. I worked a lot harder than the quality of the finished product indicates.

I tried to give you a bit of everything and tried not to repeat so much: styles, songs, artists, or otherwise. You get some regular classics sung by some classic voices, some fun ones that are woven into the fabric of the holidays, and there's some new age stuff that you may not have heard. Let it be known that if you like an artist, look into them more. Due to not repeating, I had to sacrifice certain tracks, so you may not get the "best" or the one you'd expect. One last point I realized while doing all this, my true love really sucks at getting presents, cause until the fifth day, all she gives me is birds. Just occurred to me.

O Tannenbaum - Vince Guaraldi
Walking in a Winter Wonderland - Amy Grant
Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer - The Temptations
God Rest Ye Merry Gentle Men - Barenaked Ladies ft. Sarah McLachlan
Oy Chanukah, Oy Chanukah - Klezmer Conservatory Band
Mele Kalikimaka - Bing Crosby
Please Come Home for Christmas - Charles Brown
My Favorite Peanuts - Mike Relm
The Christmas Song - Alvin and the Chipmunks
Christmas in Hollis - Run DMC
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Nat "King" Cole
Wizards in Winter - Trans Siberian Orchestra
12 Days of Christmas - Straight No Chaser
This Christmas - Donnie Hathaway
All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey
Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
Let it Snow - Boyz II Men
Sleigh Ride Remix - Chadicious
Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy - Tchaikovsky
Carol of the Bells - Vienna Boys Choir

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In addition to all of this, here is the Gap Commercial from all the way back in 1998 (can you believe that the Gap has been doing it's current advertising format for over ten years?) This song does not exist outside of the 30 seconds in this commercial and it still sits as one of my favorite sounds of the season. Thankfully, the Chadicious track on the mix actually is a nice filler for another ad named "sleigh ride" that came out the same year.

Bonus #2: I got nostalgic for Gap ads, so here is the "Khaki Swing" ad from 1998. Lindy hop and bullet time. Fun!

We interrupt regularly scheduled Holiday nonsense

Cause I just came in my knickers. No one KNOWS how much I loved Iron Man. I have been waiting with baited breath for Iron Man 2. The trailer is out and it literally just blew my balls off. Take a look and note these exciting things/facts:

As I stated in a previous post, Hollywood assumes the average movie patron can't tell black people apart.


Myself alongside Jackie Chan at the Annual Rhubarb Festival in Intercourse, Pennsylvania
After an embarrassing amount of viewings of Major League II, it dawned on me that the character of Willie "Mays" Hayes was played by Omar Epps, which was totally NOT the case in the OG Major League. That role was played by Wesley Snipes (In my defense, I was like, 7 and I only saw the OG, like twice as opposed to ML2 which I saw 300 times). Omar Epps could be a stunt double for quite a few people, including Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin, but using him as a stand in for Snipes just cause the colors (sorta) match is like wrecking your father's silver BMW and painting a BMW badge on a koala, sticking it in the garage and hoping he won't notice. Similarly, The Matrix did the same thing with the character of the Oracle, but that was because the original Oracle died (also stated in a previous post). In the Iron Man franchise, Terrance Howard has moved on to do The Princess and the Frog thing because he demanded too much money. Somewhere, right this very moment, Jefferson Davis is spinning in his grave. Don Cheadle (who, on a sheer physical level, was a terrible, terrible choice) has been chosen to replace him. I guess we'll just have to watch and see if it works out.

Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark just being PIMP.

Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow. For me, Scarlett is really pushing that top spot of most beautiful girl in the world. I mean, add all this up: A sexy Commie spy, in black leather, kicking ass with dark red hair (well that last one isn't like a thing of mine, but still worth a note). All we really see of her in the trailer is her crawling around. Good enough for me. Very few things could make that woman any more fuego.



Very few.

Mickey Rourke as Whiplash. Let's be honest, Iron Man is not the most well known of superheroes. Hence why he got on for a movie after Ghost Rider AND Steel. One reason why Iron Man isn't cooler is because he lacks a decent foil. His Archenemy is the Mandarin. Seriously. Like, a guy who's powers center mainly upon being reading books from right to left and being Asian. Also in his stable are Fin Fang Foom and the menacing Whiplash.

It was gonna take quite the re-imagining to give this character less of a guy-you'd-see-at-gay-Zorro-themed-S&M-party vibe and more of a hardass feel, but the new duds and the fact that it is Mickey Rourke did the trick.

Click it and love the new trailer. Only half a year away.

On the tenth day of Christmas

Well, here is something fun I discovered. Thanks to mi cunyada, I am now a follower of Scrubs. Much as I thought I'd dislike it, I have to say it is right up my alley. And for the record, when I catch it and it isn't being pimped, I find The Office really funny, too. I was pretty jazzed to discover this little Youtube video from a few years back throwing the entire cast (even the minor characters) in the plot of "A Charlie Brown Christmas". This is not just a redub, it is more like a reimagining of the story. If ya halfway enjoy Scrubs, give this a look. It's a fun little pro-bono treat for ya.

I give up

I wanted to get more shit rollin before we hit the holiday season. As I was working hard on things, I just kinda turned into a prick. It's a tough job, but drinking on a stoop and insulting women is kind of a 24 hour a day job. That being said, I have given up in many respects. One of which is holding off on the Christmas cheer. I have turned the radio station at my work to the Christmas all day station (which makes for some really odd stares when I make the "up yours" motion to little old ladies while the dogs that sing Jingle Bells plays in the background) and I'm all about starting up with the good will towards men/red and white all over/buying some shit that I have needed for about 6 months on crazy sale at Meijer. So, I am just gonna throw some Christmas related goodies at you this month, cause I can. I think a good place to start (and it gives you some time to see all of them) is a collection of 200+ Christmas and TV movie specials. Yeah, all those ones you remember from the days when Christmas was magical and you wish they would play again. Never count on NBC to do anything. I deliver for you bitches. These two posts are from as far back as 07, so many of the links don't work (and some are inexplicably in Russian). So instead of trying to use MY discretion about what you want, I will just give you the links to the page and let you decide. I know you, like me, are heartbroken about not having "Have yourself a Morlock little Christmas" up, but maybe you wanted the Sabrina the Teenage Witch Christmas Special. Click the pics and decide for yourself what you want to see.



101 Classic Christmas Specials



101 MORE Classic Christmas Specials

Big ups: The Matt Clemens Show

I have been meaning to find a way to put the brotherhood into this blog, so here it is. This tall, surprisingly shitty at basketball, redhead from Indianapolis has put together a decent late night formatted show. Dig it. He is going to throw nothing but the funniest, unemployed comedians and the most insane hobos from the region on this undermanned charade. It has picked up through the episodes, hopefully he will keep it going, so I could be on it, of course. I'm a self serving dick, whaddya want from me?